Have you ever felt stuck but weren’t exactly in a rush to change it? Because, same. And honestly, there’s something fascinating about why that happens. 

In this episode, let’s unpack why staying stuck isn’t always the villain it’s made out to be. We’ll talk about what’s really going on in your brain when you stay in your comfort zone and how you can start making shifts—only if and when it feels right for you. No pressure, no shame, just a lot of “Omg, that makes so much sense!” moments.

The Second Gain: Why We Stay Stuck (Even When We Want to Move Forward)

Can we take a moment to collectively gasp? Because I cannot believe it’s almost February. Like, what? Anyway, let’s dive into what’s really on my mind today: binge-eating and being food-obsessed. Specifically, why it’s so hard to break free from these patterns—even when you desperately want to.

Here’s the tea: There’s a sneaky little thing called the second gain that’s keeping you stuck. Intrigued? You should be. Let’s unpack this.

What Is the Second Gain?

Before I get all metaphorical on you, let’s go to our trusty friend Google. Second gain is defined as “a psychological term describing an external event or advantage someone receives as a result of experiencing physical or psychological symptoms.” Yeah, that’s a mouthful.

In plain English: It’s the hidden, subconscious perks of staying stuck.

For example, when you’re sick, you’re miserable. BUT… you also get attention, someone else does the dishes, and suddenly, nobody expects you to adult. That’s the second gain. And while it doesn’t mean you’re faking it or secretly loving it, it’s a real thing that’s hard to ignore.

The Comfort Zone Conundrum

Let’s talk about food (because that’s why you’re here). You say you’d do anything to stop binge-eating. But would you? Because staying stuck comes with some pretty sneaky benefits, like:

• Staying in Your Comfort Zone: Change is hard. Staying the same? Easy. Even if you hate where you’re at, it’s familiar. Autopilot might suck, but it doesn’t require effort.
• Avoiding Your Emotions: Binge-eating is like shoving your feelings into a Tupperware—airtight and out of sight. Those bubbling emotions (stress, anxiety, sadness) get smothered under snacks. Until they don’t. Spoiler: When you stop binging, those feelings come out. And yeah, there’s crying. But that’s progress, baby!

Fear of Judgment

Oh, the gym… the magical land where everyone is 100% paying attention to you (except they’re not). For many, the fear of judgment is paralyzing.

I know someone who drove to the gym, parked, and then just… stayed in the car. For weeks. They couldn’t bear the thought of people staring. (Spoiler: Most gym-goers are too busy counting their reps to care.)

If this sounds like you, start small. Walk outside. Try a home workout. Baby steps are still steps.

Relationships and the Second Gain

Here’s a tough one: relationships. Sometimes, staying stuck feels like preserving your connections. Maybe your partner loves late-night ice cream runs. Maybe your friends bond over “hating their bodies” and trading diet horror stories. If you start changing, what happens to those bonds?

It’s scary, but ask yourself: Are these relationships worth sacrificing your health for? True friends and supportive partners will adjust—and probably cheer you on.

Recognize Your Second Gain

Here’s your homework: Identify your second gain. What’s keeping you stuck? Maybe it’s fear, comfort, or avoiding emotions. No judgment—just awareness.

Once you know what it is, you can start working through it. Change is hard, but staying stuck? That’s harder in the long run. And remember, I’m rooting for you every step of the way.