On Thursdays, we get personal. Thursdays are also my favorite-ish day of the week, so this works out perfectly! Now, I know I talk all about what is food freedom and what it can do for you – but it just feels right to talk about what it has done for me. Between the diets I’ve done, the comparisons I’ve made, and the way I’ve judged every inch of my body, the word ‘free’ in food freedom really stops me in my tracks most days.
It’s not food freedom, it’s life freedom.
I know we call it food freedom, but I swear, I think it should be called life freedom.
When I think of how many vacationss, dinners out, nights with friends, lazy Sundays, and quiet mornings were wasted… I mean it adds up to years. YEARS. What do I mean by wasted? These times that should have been spent in the moment, loving life and being happy were spent in other ways. Criticizing my body, the way I looked, what I could eat, and a million other things.
Now, not to be confused with hating this moments – of course I enjoyed them. But I could have loved them so much more if I had this ‘life freedom’ that I’ve been craving for over ten years.
Here is the life I used to live without food freedom:
- Every Monday I would be absolutely miserable. Miserable from binge eating all weekend because I ‘deserved’ it, drinking to excess to cope with my feelings around my body, and partying way too hard to escape my reality. There were so many Mondays I had to call out of work because I was hurting both physically and mentally.
- I worked at a gym. A GYM. Where I should be a walking billboard of health, and that feeling of pressure build up would make me on the outside look like this salad-eating, exercising freak. On the inside, I would work until 11PM, race to McDonald’s and binge eat for hours until the early morning.
- My brother was naturally thin, and I would just GAWK at how he could eat normal. Three big, healthy meals a day – because he enjoyed cooking. He enjoyed feeling great. And he had a natural, lean physique to prove it. It would take up so much of my mental headspace that I could barely focus at home.
- My partying was next level, because I felt I had to be the most outgoing, loud, fun person in the room in comparison to my thin friends. I mean, a very long scroll down my facebook photo lane would show you just how true this is.
These are just a FEW of the situations where food controlled me in a way I didn’t realize until later in life. Yes, sometimes food was a direct component, but other facets of my life such as my relationship with alcohol and my employment went down a slippery slope due to my emotional hold on food.
Now, having food freedom, this is what ‘life freedom’ has given me:
- I don’t compare myself to others anymore. My thoughts would be racing about the people around me, how they looked versus how I looked, their body versus my body, their success versus my success… literally everything.
- Finally being able to say I love my body, and knowing that there is only confidence behind that statement. I love my broad shoulders, my big butt, my flat chest (i mean who wants to wear a bra anymore), and my strong thighs.
- Recently, at work, a colleague made a comment about the food at the party, obnoxiously stating ‘this is going right to your hips.’ My reaction, without a second thought, was to go back at him, saying I couldn’t care less, that wasn’t true, and something else inappropriate that isn’t blog friendly.
- I judged peoples bodies because i was so concerned with mine. Judging their bodies, what they are wearing, and how they carry themselves. Now? I don’t even think twice about how others look. If you feel good? Rock it, and you are absolutely glowing.
- Finally gained the convidence to stand up for people who don’t stand up for themselves. There is no reason to let people talk about other people’s bodies – and I no longer stand for it.
- I TRULY want success and happiness for others. When I was so deep in my food issues, I didn’t want anyone to do better than me. Didn’t matter if it was friends, family, or a stranger on the street.
Looking back on who I was, I sound like I was sometimes an asshole. I guess the good thing is knowing that I was so wrapped up in my food insecurities and inner demons, and I took it out by judging and comparing others to myself. If you are looking to have food freedom, or better yet, ‘life freedom,’ you really really can.
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