Life with Kelly

the big question people need to stop asking

mama sitting with son

And no, this has nothing to do with food. But? This question still drives me crazy. Even as a mom, it drives me even more insane. And yes…it’s about kids.

It doesn’t matter how many kids you have. Zero, 1, 3, 14… the question always comes up.

when are you having kids?

Or ‘when are you having more kids?’ Or ‘are you guys trying?’ Or my favorite as of late… ‘when is Matthew getting a sibling?’

The question ‘When are you having kids?’ Is probably the most rude and intrusive question you can ask any person. You have absolutely no idea what any couple is going through in regards to their family planning.

Short answer to the kids question:

None of your business. You literally just asked if my husband and I are having sex. Walk away, Diane.

Long answer to the kids question:

TJ and I were married 2.5 years before we had Matthew. We didn’t struggle; it was a conscious decision. As a result of that decision, we continued our love for traveling.

  • Right after our wedding we went to Fort Lauderdale for a ‘mini-moon.’ (Yes, I realize this word is just used to intelligently get two honeymoons).
  • Six months after our wedding we spent three weeks touring Italy. (Post on that with all our recommendations coming up – believe me when I say we did it right.
  • My MIL lives in Florida, so we visited her a few times.
  • Hiking became our new hobby, so we did a trip to Arizona.
  • Aside from traveling, we enjoyed hanging just us two.

There was no specific reason as to why we wanted to hold off on kids, rather, we just wanted to be together. Again, we happily made that choice, and I can now say we are so very lucky and fortunate getting pregnant with Matthew did not take long.

you have no idea what couples are going through when you ask

‘when are you having kids?’

The older (ehrm, and wiser) I get, I realize how many people struggle with infertility. Some of my best friends and family members I love dearly have struggled getting pregnant. This has been through trying for years, had multiple miscarriages, gone through IVF and other fertility treatments.

To add insult to injury, these people went through these emotionally + physically terrible things during a pandemic.

Meaning:

  • They were mourning on their own from a miscarriage without family or friends.
  • Continually trying to get pregnant to no avail, and not having access to resources.
  • Fertility treatments were cancelled or postponed.
  • Jobs were lost + health insurance lost = no more treatments.

If you are someone who asks a married couple when they are having kids, take a step back. Think about what you are actually asking, and how it truly is none of your business. You can keep it movin’ by actually focusing on real and open conversation, instead of opening up a dark wound that so many families fight to keep between themselves.

Here’s another thing to remember:

Some people just don’t want to have f*cking kids.

And they are grown ass humans who get to make that choice and live their life without your questions. And while this has nothing to do with food, learning how to be a kinder human really helps you come full circle. Read my story more here!

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